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Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise. Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, p.91

So good today as I reflect on my sober journey and the opportunities that life has brought my way. But to be perfectly honest, I had lost the ability to dream during the addiction years. My soul ached for wholeness as I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. How was it that as a person of faith I still battled with addictions, had a lost connection with the God of my youth and quite frankly a deep depression that never seemed to lift? Like some of you, my faith experience was filled with unanswered prayers and a sense that I was alone in my suffering. I didn’t know anyone outside my small circle of friends that was an alcoholic/addict like me and so I withdrew and became even more self-absorbed. I had settled for the lie of the bottle believing that this was all that life had in store for me. I still remember that cold January morning in 2017 when I sat on my back patio with a cold beer and a cigarette in my hand wondering when things had gone off the rails so spectacularly. Having had many rock bottom moments, this was not one of them, I knew deep in my spirit that I needed to make change. Thankfully, I reached out to my dad and told him that I needed help and I proceeded to check myself into my local detox center. January 10th, 2017, will always be remembered as the day my humility opened up wide the gates of heaven to receive the unconditional love and Grace from the God of my understanding. An incomplete understanding at the time for sure but my faith journey has improved since then and I know the deep love of Jesus is pursuing me as I lean into him daily. A personal relationship is what it’s all about.

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