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I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I only know what I can do -Captain Kirk, Star Trek Into Dark

I’ve been sitting with this quote for a few weeks but I’m just now able to articulate my experience. As a person of faith, I admit that I go thru seasons of doubt and unbelief. Especially when I’m grinding out my life journey one day at a time during my mental health struggles. When I’m alone with my thoughts I’m overwhelmed with the desire of wanting to escape, to feel nothing at all. When life seems meaningless, I retreat, not wanting to expose myself to friends and family. During the drinking and using years I would self-medicate until my senses were deadened to the pain of the moment. There is no easy answer for those of us who live with mental illness and its effects on our lives and those who love us. The truth as I’m experiencing it, tells me that I must go back to the basics with my thoughts and actions when in the throes of my deep depression. When the creator is silent during these episodes my sorrow and grief is magnified. So much so, that I’m often left with more questions than answers. This silence plagues me as I try to make sense of my life. Reminding myself that it’s only a season and that this too shall pass is life giving. The action step for me is found in Isaiah 41:10 TPT version, “Do not yield to fear, for I am always near. Never turn your gaze from me, for I am your faithful God. I will infuse you with my strength and help you in every situation. I will hold you firmly with my victorious right hand.” This is the good news! I cannot wait until I “feel” this promise to act on it, but I must push through the doubt and pain and speak these words of truth into my spirit. Today, wherever you’re at in your life journey walk in the light of this promise. You are not alone; this too shall pass!

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